a little emotional support please haha?

i’m studying for the bar exam and have posted tons of questions on here for advice on how to deal with it. i’m studying my butt off and taking the barbri course, but it’s just not sinking in and i’m 34 days out until d-day. i’m studying 8 to 10 hours a day, watching videos, outlining, doing essays and mbe problems, but the entire time i’m doing it this voice in the back of my head keeps telling me i’m studying the wrong way. that i’m going to fail. i’ve talked to budies who have taken the bar in different states and passed. it pisses me off because my state’s bar is very difficult. if i scored the way they did on their bar there would be no way in hell i would pass my bar. i’m stressed, jealous, envious, scared, confused, and just all around in a bad mood all the time. this wasn;t me before i went to law school. i dont even plan on pursuing a legal career because i know it isn’t me. i’d much rather do something else, but i had already spent enough time and money getting in and finding out that i didnt like to quit after the first few semesters. i’ve never quit anything in my life but for the first time i just want to run away. i’m studying not to fail so i dont look like an idiot to my family friends and enemies. i’m studying because it’s what everbody is telling i should be doing. is there any shame in not taking it? a large party of me just wants to go out and find a job and start making money for myself. so i can feel good about myself for once and not like a student leeching off loans and his parents. if i put the same energy into job hunting as i have studying for this exam i know in my heart that i can make it work. i know it sounds stupid and idealistic, but i’ll do anything to not take this exam. yesterday a car was turning onto a side street as i was about to cross. i saw the lady driving was on her cell not even looking my way and for a split second i thought about just walking in front of it. i’d rather be in the hospital or dead then spend another day inside my apartment or the library studying for this. what should I do. please don’t give me some sarcastic response i’m really hurting here.

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