a rewrite from many months ago. Is it better now.?

"darker shades of gray"

What does your mind see,
when you close your eyes.
Just what is that feeling,
so deep, dark inside.

I can’t even fathom,
to understand all this pain.
It’s a fruitless endeavor,
can’t you see I’m insane.

I’ve tread down this path,
for thousands of years.
I try to suppress this,
yet hell sears my soul.

I was an abandoned,
left to learn on my own.
The depth of my abuse,
far worse than first told.

The holes in my heart.
and my pitiful long life.
The prayers I cried out,
unanswered, now cold.

My time is now shrinking,
I’ll not suffer again.
Everyday I sink deeper,
to pits of black sin.

Tragic is seems to,
cleanse away all my pain.
The stairway to heaven,
is closed for repairs.

There can be no tomorrow,
when yesterday is now dead.
Late in the night, awake and in tears,
I feel nothing, nothing but gray dread.

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