How do you support your best friend being with a guy you can't stand for her?

I'll tell the story of my best friend with fake names. My best friend Amelia was 17 when she dated Nate. They were together for six months, she lost her virginity to him, and she found out a day or two after he tested positive for herpes on an STD test he hid from her. She couldn't handle that, broke up with him, and then freaked for months about having sex or the possibility of an STD.

Nine months later, she took Nate back and they improved their relationship. For a while. He began treating her very poorly, being apathetic, making her do lots of things for her, drive her places. She would do nice things for him and he wouldn't care or return the kindness. She got frustrated with him being so lazy and unappreciative of her. On the anniversary of her father's death Nate blew Amelia off to smoke pot with his cousins. That was the last straw and Amelia dumped him again. I honestly think Nate was so jaded that Amelia did not want to work through the STD issue with him that when they got back together he decided to treat her like crap.

I also neglected to mention in the last stiny I mentioned, Nate cheated on her with a girl he willingly put himself into a situation to be around and she took him back after a “day break.”

Three months later, they were seeing each other again but had no official title. Nate, Amelia, and Amelia's best girl friend Stephanie were hanging out. While Amelia ran to the store, Nate had sex with Stephanie on a sink in the bathroom of the friend's house they were hanging out with and when Amelia got back she was in the dark about the sex.

Nate and Stephanie's one night stand became very open news to our entire group of friends but everyone somehow managed to keep it from Amelia. Stephanie had gotten pregnant and wasn't sure if her own boyfriend or Nate was the father so she had an abortion. Amelia remained in the darrk and took Nate back without knowing the secret.

Another nine months later they broke up again. It was the same thing. Nate wasn't getting a job or working, smoking pot all day, being lazy, using Amelia, etc. so she got tired of it and dumped Nate for good. We were out drinking one night (she was 20 at the time) and she was telling me she was softening towards taking him back a fourth time, she was confused, etc. In a fit of rage (keep in mind I never spoke a bad word about Nate for 3 years out of respect) I blurted out about Nate and Stephanie's one night stand. She was so blown away and enraged by this that she stormed out of the bar to call him and rip him a new one.

All 2010 basically consisted of was Nate pleading with Amelia to take him back, he refused to apologize for sleeping with Stephanie saying him and Amelia weren't “officially” together, etc. In a few weak moments, Amelia would go to Nate's for sex but would always leave soon after. She began hiding it from our group of friends because we grew to loathe Nate at this point.

Finally, she hadn't slept with Nate in months and just last week we have a huge talk about the situation. I said “I know you're probably going to give him a fourth chance so if you do, as your best friend I want you to know that I support it, even though I strongly disagree with your decision.” She went on a huge rant about how he's a jerk, she'll never ever under any circumstances trust him again, he's a pig, he's desperate, etc. Basically in a nutshell she said, that she was appalled that I implied she'd get back into a relationship with him.

Three days later she texts me and tells me she's back together with him. I'm at a loss for words and honestly I'll never think of Amelia the same way again which is unfortunate because she's been a best friend of mine since 2004.

I can just feel that the end game is her getting pregnant and probably having to deal with Nate as her baby daddy for the rest of her life. This greatly upsets me, but I'm completely at a loss to aid in the situation. Nate's not a BAD guy, but he and Amelia have been so ridiculously toxic together throughout their whole relationship that I have been dumbfounded at why they keep trying again. Amelia is also surprisingly still negative for herpes as well.

Nate is a bit trashy and he really doesn't attract a lot of women. Amelia's an easy person to run back to. Amelia has so much to offer but her self esteem is so low she feels Nate's the best thing she can do which is why she constantly runs back to him. She's never dated anyone else and during her single stints refuses to date because she'd rather pine over Nate or simply be left alone.

How should I deal with this? Amelia knows how I feel and I want to respect her wishes but I don't know if I'll ever be able to respect her ever again. This is really weighing down on me heavily.
Dart, you are clearly stuck up and I gave you a thumbs down. I don't like how you came in to say you wouldn't “read my novel” just to rack up your two points. Secondly, I'm gay and happen to like this section. Thirdly, Amelia's bisexual. Fourthly, why are you so heterophobic?
P.S.- if no one (such as the “Elite” Dart) do not want to read my story rhen by all means, go away and answer the two sentence long questions people ask. And yes, I put this in the LGBT section for a reason even if its NOT gay themed. Geez. Reverse prejudice much?
Thanks toyoman2010 & Bored @ the Office. I accept this as a helpless situation. What I need is just guidance on how I deal with this. It's difficult watching a loved one go on such a self destructive path and it upsets me. Like I said, Nate is not a bad person at all. In fact once upon a time we were good friends. But the fact of the matter is, he has proved time and time again that he is a terrible boyfriend and untrustworthy.


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