Husband is a slob, what to do?

I am trying to be the most respectful when I ask for advice on what to do here. My husband works over 60 hrs a week. He gets one day off a week, so I know he is tired. But, I "hold down the fort" at home, work 2 part time jobs sometimes and go to school, and take care of the home and child. All I ask him is to put his dishes in the dish washer (not on the floor, bar, or leave them in the sink) and take the sacks of garbage out. He will literally allow trash to sit by the door for take out for a week if I didn’t do it myself. He never does house chores or helps unless I get nasty with him and scream to "get off your butt and do something!". I have to wait on him hand and food and bring him dinner on the couch, refill his drink, & give him *** when he wants it. He gets nasty at me for asking him to help out and calls me the B word and says that I need to respect his position as my husband and quit being nasty to him. He also drops his uniforms at the bar in the den, not in the dirty clothes and expects me to pick them up. What can I do? Asking nicely OR getting ugly gets the same result because he turns everything around on me!
His parents said to ask them whenever I needed advice, but if I said all this again they say all I do is talk smack about him.

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