i am writeing a novel and i just started tell me what you think please i know it's a little long but…?

18 candles each glowing brighter than the last for her 18 years each better and better. This year she was getting a car not just any car though it is a Ford F-150 burgundy and that was all she asked for since she could drive. The thoughts were over whelming but the tone-deaf yelling of her family brought her back. “Happy birthday dear Marisol happy birthday to you” “Make a wish Marisol” her little brother tried to say above the yelling and cheering of her friends and family. What could she ever want she had it all, a car, a great family, and friends who love her, and money. She bent down to her little brother and whispered “here you make the wish and make it something for you.” He looked up wide-eyed and said “Ok Marisol I made it blow out the candles!” as she blew the harsh wind that escaped her lips knocked out the bright light from the candles.

Marisol looked left, a window with grid like bars so she couldn’t get out. She looked right, nothing. She looked up and saw a dim, dusty light bulb. She saw a fly caught in a web. A light, clear web could hold a fly hostage. So of course a concrete room could keep her trapped just as easy. Marisol put her soft, angel like face in her hands and closed her eyes thinking that when she opened them again her mom would move her silky, strawberry blonde hair to the side of her face and kiss her head telling her it was just a bad dream. But when Marisol opened her eyes, her soft gray eyes, a tear rolled down her face. As she heard a noise that was like a soft roll of thunder. She looked up and wiped off her tears with her gray oversized hoodie, because he was coming. The dark shadow slithered down the stairs step by slow painful step. He slowly stepped closer. She moved toward the wall. Thump. As she hit the wall, he grabbed her arm. She pushed and bit and even kicked but his grip didn’t loosen. He ripped a piece of cotton cloth; he needed to gag her so she couldn’t scream. He chose to gag her because he still wanted to see the soft curves of her lips. She pushed and shook her head when he finally got the cloth in her mouth her hair was stuck to her face. Her hair was stuck to her face because she was sweating because of her fear. He pulled her over to the bed as she tried to fight him and then all went dark.

Marisol woke up to find her arms tied up together at the wrists with a thick piece of rope, to the railing on the stairs. Her head fell back and hit a nail. Tears fell down her face as she realized that she wasn’t going home. She saw her hair in front of her face. Her hair was short. She thought to her self why would someone do a horrible action like this he cut her hair to the length of her ears. She heard the creek of a door “no, no, no” she said but she barley spit out the words her tears and fear made it hard to put say anything at all. She was so scared but she couldn’t stop the tears. “LEAVE ME ALONE” Marisol yelled as loud as she could. She closed her eyes as hard as she could she did not believe what was happening. He hit her then yelled, “Open your eyes and stop crying Marisol” he cut the rope that bound her to the stairs and pulled her to the next room. She quickly scanned the room and she saw a desk but no light or windows. Now the only light was coming from the cracks in the door, which was so faint, it made little to no difference. He tied her arms up to the water pipe on the ceiling so that she was standing. She tried to lift her leg but the pain was too much for her. He laughed his ice-cold laugh that made both her heart sink and her stomach churn. How could someone laugh at her pain, her fears? He walked up to her and put the bottom of her shirt above her belly button and started kissing her bruised belly while he wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her closer to himself. Her wrists were wet with blood and throbbing with pain. He stopped, and walked out the door and flew up the stairs he wanted to do this right he looked and grabbed his pocketknife and his .45 gun and slid down the stairs. He used the knife to cut her down and then put it on the desk so that the butt of the knife was hanging over the edge. He ripped off her shirt and pants exposing her spotted under garments. He pulled the gun out and forced her to kiss him. She was scared for her life so she did as told. She walked over slowly but she felt like she was flying. Left foot, right foot, each step more painful and frightening than the last. She stopped about two feet in front of him and started to scream. He jumped up so quickly it seemed like someone put a fire under him. He placed his hand on her face smothering any noise that could have come out then he took the butt of his gun and smacked her to the floor. Then he put himself on top of her and he started lightly kissing her fragile figure. He tied her up and started to touch her. She cried and he hit her so hard that it left a bruise. He tied up her arms to the leg of the desk. And left her with a piece of duct tape on her mouth he tore off the role. Then she fell asleep, when she woke up he wasn’t there so she quickly rocked the desk until the knife fell off and landed on her legs she had to think quickly but then moved the knife to her mouth and rocked her head back and forth until the rope broke. She didn’t have time to think she knew he would be back soon so she bolted out the front door. Just as his car was pulling in to the driveway he saw her and he pulled out his gun and shot at her as she screamed. The neighbor heard her and ran out to see what was going on.
He grabbed her and pulled her in to the house and pushed her in to the trunk of his other car before the neighbor saw them. But the neighbor knew that noise was a gunshot and that he had shot at a girl so she called 911. just after he got away. The police showed up at the man’s house and pounded in the door the team split up to find him or the girl. One of the cops ran in to the basement where the man had raped her. The policeman found the rope with the girl’s blood. He put it in the evidence bag. The other policeman went to the garage where her screams of pain and fear. The cop took a look in the icebox and in the shed when he heard her fearful screams. He ran and yelled, “I found her help me I can’t get her out bring the crowbar.” It took a little bit of time but they got her out and noticed that she was the girl who was missing. And she ran up to them and hugged them and was so grateful but that wasn’t the end. The man came home and saw the patrol cars in his driveway he grabbed his gun and called his friends who were more like partners in crime and they all brought guns and ran, and when the police brought her out the men all shot the police. Then the man ran up and grabbed her and pulled her in to his car then sped away with his friends following them when they left their cars in a dump they ran to an abandoned warehouse where no one would ever find them. Her still without her shirt and pants was forced to put on one of the more muscular man’s shirt and to do a strip for them. When she refused he got up and started hitting her until she was on the verge of passing out. But then he grabbed his gun and shot near her to frighten her. She pushed him off her and that didn’t make him happy at all but she bounced to her feet and kneed him in his dick. Her dropped his gun and she didn’t think and before she knew it she had his gun and was pointing it toward him. But she didn’t want to scare him she wanted her revenge on the man who made this happen him. She turned around to HIM and pointed the gun at him. Her plan wasn’t to shoot him but to scare him hoping that he’ll leave her alone long enough to get away, but she forgot that he had his gun and he was not afraid to shoot her. So he called his buddies and they knocked her down from behind.
When she opened her eyes the only thing covering her little body was a man’s sweater used like a blanket. Out of the ten men only nine of them shot the police and the last one never looked at her and is scared for her safety and health. When she awoke it was dark and he was the guard for the time while the rest slept. He ran over to her put the sweeter on her and picked her up and ran with her to the river bridge. “They won’t find you here Marisol” he said. “Why would you go with them and then save me?” she asked him
“I never thought they would commit a crime like this or any crime for the matter. But when I heard that he had kidnapped and raped you I knew I had to save you. And so I knew that they would want me to guard you while they slept and that’s when I would save you.” “You aren’t half as old as them why do you hang out with them?” “The man who raped you was my father.” “Oh my god did he ever try anything on you?” Marisol said in shock “No I always was out so there never was any time for him to do or even try anything.”
“Oh god I hear them hear hold on to me just do it you’ll be safe” Michel said in a rush “ok.” They held on to each other and jumped off the bridge and landed safely in the water and then moved under the bridge and climbed on to the bank so the men couldn’t see them. The Michel that saved her pulled out his cell phone and texted police.
Michel grabbed her lightly and ran her to the armor truck they sent to get her. As they ran he pulled out his gun incase anyone was going to shoot at her. He pulled her in to the truck and they told him that he needed to get in too. They where in the back of the truck when she moved closer to him and he didn’t mind he rely liked having her as close as she was. Marisol rested her head on Michel’s shoulder he wrapped his arm around her. She looked up as he looked down and their eyes met and he leaned down and then they kissed each other.

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