My wife of 7 years has cheated on me by performing fellatio on another guy?

Never thought enything like this would happen in a million years. Here is my story:

She started going to this bar all the time because it was the only place her one female friend ever went to. Things had started to change a week or so before this where she wondered about our relationship and even went as far as making a list of pros and cons. I am not big on social events like lots of friends lots of people (bars, clubs, etc..) I realize now that things had become quite stale and repetative in our relationship, but thought maybe we were just that comfortable that neither one of us really complained about it. I never really heard her say she had a huge problem with the way things had become. So 2 or 3 weeks ago when she started going to the bar, things really started to change. She began to place conditons on our relationship, which really hurt me. She was telling me to change my personality to a more outgoing, extroverted type who would accompany her to the bars and what not (mostly the one bar with the one friend). These are high expectiations for someone who is 30 years old and used to the way things are and didn’t know there was a problem. So days later she tells me of this guy who is flirting with her at the bar and she plays it off like he might be a bit gay for some reason. I, naturally trusting of her and know the type of person she is shrug it off. Things don’t really change and I believe she is making things up or making these thing out to be worse than what they are. At the end of this 2 to 3 week period, we have a discussion which causes me great sadness and then she leaves the house to go be with family and doesn’t come home until I am long asleep. I leave a note for her stating that she needs to figure out what is going on, she either loves me or not etc, etc. I get an email the next day at 11 am basically telling me she has fallen out of love and does not have it in her to work things out. I race home and find her lying in bed deeply depressed and grief stricken, but she seems to realize that I do love her and want things to work out in which she says I will not like her after what she has done. She tells me she made contact and saw this guy last night, got drinks, and performed fellatio. She says she was really drunk and did not want to do it. She did not believe it would go from a kiss to that. She says she knew it was wrong while she was doing it and that she was partially blacking out. I feel like she is honest by the way she looks so guilty and hates herself for it. She says she thought the relationship was over and she was going to file the divorce paper work this day. It has been about a week since then. I did give her a second chance, though it was not easy and I don’t completely forgive her. She has ceased communication with this person and has not gone anywhere without me. She does not want to go to this bar anymore either. We are trying to do more things together but I feel this will always be an issue for me. I don’t see how someone who loves you can go from loving you to cheating in such a short time without making an effort to fix things. Now I feel like I am at fauult for her straying, but it doesn’t feel right that I am supposed to fix this all by myeslf. She still seems unsure about me trying to do more for her. Why should I have to do more for her at this point, she was the one who took it to another level? I can’t seem to shake the sick feeling I get when I am at work. Should I let her go or at least seperate from her for awhile to let the idea of me not being there for her sink in? I feel she thinks there is more to life than what I have given her and she is doubtful things will change? Do I need to change my personality for her? Isn’t the reason we got together because of my personality? I just want this feeling to go away, but I don’t feel I would be better off without her. She does love me, this I know. I don’t even know what I am asking here, I just want to be with her and want her to be with me. How much give should there be from me to make this work?

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