Parents out there, I need some advice, please?

This is a bit long, and may involve a bit of ranting, so please bear with me.

I am 22 years old, and happily married, I live with my husband in Australia, where is he from. My mum and younger sister live in Texas, where I am originally from . My dad passed away in 2006, and my mum still has not moved past it. I did not say get over it, as that is impossible, but move past it and begin living like a person, again.

When my dad passed away, the majority of the household income went with him. My parents had savings, and my mum basically blew it, which I did not find out until recently. She had to sell our home, and she and my sister moved into an apartment. I went away to University.

Fast forward to present time. My mum still hasn’t moved on, and seems to sink deeper and deeper into depression everyday. I try to encourage her to go to a therapist, and she absolutely refuses. Saying that "all they do is tell you to get over it, and put you on drugs that do not work." Her depression is bad enough, that my husband, who has been great, through this whole situation, have decided to move back to the States, and sort this mess out. We intend on buying a small home for my mother and sister, and charging them no rent, just having them pay the utilities and cable or internet, and whatnot. However, at the moment our hands are tied. I cannot leave the country until my permanent visa comes through. I am on a bridging visa, and am required to stay within the borders of Australia, and we are waiting on my husband’s visa to come through.

My mum has admitted to self-harming to me. She wouldn’t tell me what or how often, but she has admitted that she has done it. She refuses any help from friends or family members. Claiming that none of us understand how special my dad was to her. I can understand that, but she refuses to even TRY to move past. She claims that we only lost a dad, but she lost her soul-mate. Which, is rather irritating, as petty as it sounds.

My sister is another issue. She does NOTHING. She didn’t even finish high school, and refuses to get her GED. She was molested by a family friend, and also refuses counseling. She is scared of her own shadow, and is turning 20 this year. She has no skills, or any interest in trying to learn any. Which, is partly my parents fault. They coddled her, her entire life. Never making her do anything she didn’t want. Now that she is an adult though, its another huge source of stress for my mum. She is supporting two adults, on her own.

It is to the point, that I can barely stand to talk to my mother. I usually fall into hysterics as soon as I hang up the phone. I feel myself sinking into depression. I have no appetite, or energy. My husband and I are downgrading to a tiny, one bedroom apartment, to save as much money as possible, for when the visas come through, so we can move. I find myself, on Y!A answering and asking mindless questions, or reading or drinking to keep my mind off of the situation. I feel extremely guilty and ask myself daily, if things would be the way they are, if I hadn’t moved away to go to university. I feel guilty for trying to be happy.

Now to my question, if you have made it this far.

What can I do, to provide a little bit of comfort to my mother until I am able to get there? I am desperate. I need something. I need the motivation to keep going.

I am putting this in the parenting section, because I want to hear from parents, what you would expect or need from your child. I am no longer sure what to do. The guilt is overwhelming. My husband is so supportive, and I would be an even bigger mess without him.

Any advice, or what you would expect from your child, is much appreciated. If you’re going to be rude, don’t bother, I don’t need the stress.

Thank you to anyone who managed to read and understand this saga, and who takes the time to answer.

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