Relationship question. Not married but own a house.who gets the house? .How to break up?

First off, I am hoping for some serious responses and opinions. I don’t need critisism for the choices Ive made between buying a house and not being married and the point that it is at in our relationship.

We have been together for 5 years. I am 28 and he is 41. He has been married before with no children and i have never been married. We both work at the same place and we barely see each other at work and if we do, we dont talk to each other and its very professional. We have lived together for 4 years total, 1 of them was in my apartment and then we bought a home together and have been in it for 3 years. Our home was a fixer-upper and 80% of the material has been paid for by me (we did all the work together)

Since we have moved into our home, it has felt like a downward spiral. We barely go out, and when i say barely, i dont even remember the last time we went on a date or had a little get away together. He has been working alot of hours and we both seem to just happen to live together. It seems like every 6 months or so i bring up that i am not happy and that i wish we would go out more. I was only asking for ONE night a month to dedicate to me and can barely get that. Going out with other people is such a chore beacuse i feel like im faking it just being happy. He has not affectionate at all to me and any affection is like pulling teeth. He has always been like this though..I am just tired of trying. Ive planned things for us and surprised him with concerts he likes..etc..etc..He has never surprised me with ANYTHING i enjoy or of the likes..
To me its important to be married and have children. When i approached this subject 2 years ago i had got "if kids happen, they happen..if they do-great..if they dont-great" Me on the other hand would LOVE to have kids…so i brought up kids and marriage again last month right before our 5 year mark. When bringing up marrriage he pretty much said he didnt feel like he was at that point yet and wasn’t sure when he would be. So this upset me since im not sure how after all these years he has NO clue of what he wants…I just don’t think we are on the same page..at all….

I just feel so lost right now. I don’t know how much longer i can go on like this. I am absoultely miserable. Ive laid out the obvious of how to make me happy and he hasn’t done ANY of it. We didnt do anythign on our anniversary..he got me a card. My birthday was last week and i know money was very tight but he just got me a card..a card..a special person card..not even a love card…and didnt mention like that he was broke and couldnt afford anything ( i am FAR from being materialistic) but for his birthday i had his friends over and surprised him with some stuff. For mine i got a card..and i invited my fam over since it was my sisters birthday as well..

Anyways, I dont even know how to approach breaking up..Should i break it off, or take a break? And anyone in this situation or close to it with a home, what happens with the home? I know this would be a lawyer situation..but heres the short rundown of hte house situation.

Purchased it for 330k, we now owe probably 380k after his years of paying under the minimum payment. There is no market right now, so i am doubting we would even get close to that for this house…I love the house and so does he..And i know he would want to keep it, but i doubt he can afford it..we can barely afford it as is. There is SO much work we put into it. we remodeled the entire house together and built a bar, did the bulkhead in the backyard..etc..etc….we have so much money sunk into this home..So i dont even know where to begin..

ANY help would be appreciated!!! Thanks for taking the time to read this in advance…
Also…In his mind everything is good between us. Although ive had the talk of being unhappy so many times, he thinks everything is ok and personally i think he shows his love by working all the time to pay off the house. But i am already just upset thinking about telling him that i cant live like this anymore. I hate being the bad guy in this situation and the thought of what our familes are going to think (some of my fam already knows that ive been very unhappy)..

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