What do you think of my story?

Waves of cigarette smoke filled the smoky, unbearable air in a bar where I sat.

A sickening sensation entangled my heart as I glared at a young man leering at me a few tables away. He had straight blonde hair and glittering blue eyes similar to the color of the Caribbean’s waters. The man’s face was long and narrow, twisted in a mischievous smile, like a kid you’d see on a magazine’s front cover. Danger seemed written in his sparkling eyes, but I ignored the feeling of fear this man portrayed. I wanted to believe he was a man of innocence, but something struck me to think otherwise. As I gawked, I felt my distaste turn into desire. A burning feeling ripped through my body once he smiled. My heart felt like it was on fire; put to flames by his good looks and intense gaze.
He ascended from the booth, and I admired his height. He was very tall and skinny.
My heart sunk in surprise as if it were drowning in my own body. I admired his confidence and grace, his long legs swayed toward me like a streaming scarf in the wind. He wore ripped white jeans and a tight black shirt. His muscles bulged out of his shirt. Nervousness rose within me. My lively heartbeat intensified as he came closer. It was the only noise I heard, thundering in my ears, pounding in my chest. Everything else around me was background noise: the soft music, people’s casual chatter, and glasses clinking. I swallowed hard and exhaled slowly, trying to compose myself.
Heavy cologne wafted off the man’s slender body. I gazed at him in interest.
He slid his hand through his hair. I watched his restless eyes wander over my figure.
“Why, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Why are you alone?” He growled in a haunting, seductive voice. The young man’s bright blue eyes shut a bit as he peered into mine, obvious passion arising within them.
“No, I’m not.” I shook my head, staring at the ground, warmth filling my cheeks. Sudden intimidation swept over me, cluttering my mind with irritating thoughts. I despised my shyness.
“Yes, you are beautiful.” I looked up, surprised from the serious tone in his voice.
Bravely, he lifted his hand and caressed my cheek with his finger. His big eyes were restless; scanning my face inquisitively, like an avid reader would skim through a magazine. I gazed into his eyes hopelessly; I didn’t know what to say to him.
“You’re perfect.” He whispered. Then late laughter filled his mischievous voice.
Suddenly, he wrapped his long arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest. His eyes were rested on my chest, which was leaning against his. The man rested his hands on the sides of my hips, his forceful touch sending shivers up my spine.
I was very slow to react to what this stranger was doing to me. However, I didn’t want to move. I wanted him to hold me close, for I was allured, attracted, and engaged.
Suddenly, I snapped out of my trance.
A light yelp escaped my lips as I wiggled out of his arms. His face fell in disappointment, saddened by the sudden distance between us. Suddenly, my high-heel got caught on a crack in the wooden floor, and I lost my balance. My spidery long leg snapped awkwardly at the ground, as if my legs couldn’t carry me.
As I was about to fall, he caught me just in time in his muscular arms.
My whole body became rigid with instinctive rebellion.
“Don’t touch me!” I barked, hardening my jaw and tightening my fuming eyes. His arms fell to his hips, and his blue eyes got big, but they eased in tension. He captured my gaze. The boy began to linger toward me again, as if he was a snake about to strike.
“…Don’t…” I tried to speak, but my voice was weak. “Don’t touch…” My words were a faint whisper, not assertive or demanding. The boy’s features became flawlessly smooth. His eyes glittered in hope and a smirk crossed his wicked lips.
“Relax.” He breathed slowly, placing his arms around my waist again, sinking his hands into my skin. I looked at him amazed, the sudden anger beginning to leave my stormy eyes. My attraction for him only heightened, the truth is I didn’t understand why.
His next action was unpredictable.
He grabbed my head of hair and brushed it away from my eyes. His free hand slid along my spine. He pulled me close and I jolted into his body. He suddenly grabbed the apples of my cheeks and pulled my face toward his. He crushed his starving, ferocious lips against mine in complete forcefulness.
A whirlwind of fear rushed through my body.

What do you think so far? This isn’t the end of the chapter, I just want some feedback.


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